just a slab on the operating table

It was 5AM on the 26th of April, I felt like I was having menstrual cramps and I can't be having my period since I'm in my 38th week. I took my maternity leave a week ago and I've been waiting for this day to come. I look and feel like a whale already so I am more than ready to give birth. I was only supposed to stay at home but we live an hour away from my hospital so just to be sure, (and avoid that scene from the movies wherein a pregnant lady gets stuck in the traffic), I asked Bryan to take me to the hospital. 

I've been getting ready for this day for a few months already. I've done my homework (everything I need to know about labor and delivery), I've asked friends and relatives who have been down that road a lot of times and of course, I stayed fit through out my pregnancy journey. 

6:30AM I asked B to have breakfast with me at KFC Fuente before I go to Cebu Doctors. I intentionally indulged on a fully-loaded meal because a friend told me that I'm not allowed to eat and drink when I'm already in the delivery room

7:00AM: B dropped me off at Cebu Doctors' Hospital and I was just hanging out at the Blood Bank area, timing how long my contractions are and it's intervals. I was pretty calm about the whole process actually (still am after giving birth btw) and yes, I remembered taking a selfie before going to the delivery room since my eyebrows were on fleek.

When I was inside the labor room, they made me wear hospital-appropriate clothes and they asked me if I came in with someone else so that they can give my clothes to them. I told them that my husband is at work and I prefer to have my husband know EVERYTHING when I've already delivered the baby. He has severe anxiety disorder and I just really wanna spare him from all the waiting. The midwife told me that it's mandatory for the husband to be informed as he might be needed to process my papers for admitting. I wasn't allowed to go out anymore since I'm already dilated by 5CM and I was glad I didn't feel anything. During that time I felt like giving birth was just a touch and go thing. I was confident. I was ready

I was wrong.

8:00AM inside the delivery room and they informed me that I was already 8CM. I thought to myself that all my exercising has paid off since it took an 8CM dilation to let me feel the paain. Yes, the cramps were getting worse and I felt like my poo wants to get out of my vagina. They were monitoring my heartbeat and Nate's. They all thought I would give birth within the hour or so. 4 doctors were monitoring the 4 of us in there and I was progressing fast.

They were wrong

10:00AM AND still at 8CM, I was contracting at one minute every 2-3 minutes. Nate's heartbeat slows down every time I contract. The pain is starting to get really worse and I've been gripping the bed railings tight every time I contract.

12NN and still at 8CM, they decided to break my water and hope that the contractions will be more intense so that I can progress by 9 or even 10. I was already in an unbearable pain but I was still adamant to wait til 10CM. Frankly I don't remember being given epidural but we were charged for it though. 

2PM and STILL at 8CM. My soul is strong but my flesh is weak. Nate's heartbeat still slows down during contraction and since I was starting to be incoherent, they decided to inform B about my current situation and informed him that I have to undergo a Cesarian operation

WHAT? Cesarian operation? To me? The first thing I felt was indignation. Primarily because I spent most of my weekday mornings doing my pregnancy exercise to prevent this from happening and it still did. But then, the operation is not just all about me now. Nate's heartbeat is erratic and they have to do everything necessary to save the both of us.

I didn't feel any fear, everything was just a process to me that needs to be done. I clearly recall looking at Bryan as I was being transferred from Delivery to the Operating room and thinking, "fcek it, we haven't really talked about my insurance and I haven't updated my status yet just in case I die" 

2:20 I was on the stretcher and honestly, not feeling like breathing. I'm tired and spent. The doctors knew I was at 8CM since 8AM and these were the same doctors that kept track of my dilation. One of the worst moment was the first few minutes during the actual Cesarean operation when the anaesthesiologist explained what he was about to do before, during and after the operation. I understand that it was protocol but I just really want everything to be over. I am unable to stand and transfer to the operating table myself so he injected the epidural on my spine but WAIT! he made me do a fetal position so that he can find the right spot. Imagine that. I was in agony and they want me to actually fold my baby bump.

I felt numb from neck down and they covered my body with a cloth so that I can't see what they're doing. I remember turning my head from left to right looking for a reflection but they covered it well. I concentrated on what the surgeons and other doctors were talking about and then someone exclaimed, "Baby out, hala nuchal cord" and damn it, I knew Nate is going to be a handful. They let me see and kiss Nate before the anaesthesiologist injected me with a sedative. The operation was over in 20 minutes. 

I woke up at 4AM in the recovery room not feeling anything..but seriously, I'm so hungry right now so I'm just going to post a separate entry about my CS recovery some time..whenever.

The good oil on Pure Bliss Essential Oils by Young Living

I've noticed an increase of essential oil "selfies" on my news feed for a few months now and since I live by the adage "live curious", I kept track of the few who maintained using it but being a pragmatic person that I am, I didn't put too much thinking into buying a set.

My curiosity piqued when I noticed a friend using an essential oil to cure her headache. Another one said that she can't go to sleep without her oils..and another one posted that a specific essential oil scent puts her in a better mood. 

I am no fan of coincidence and it's highly unlikely that these people met in once place and just decided to promote essential oils.  I have a congenital kidney disorder that makes me more prone to kidney-related diseases compared to an average person so I am overly conscious on my intake most especially on medicines. 

Essential oils can be inhaled or be lathered on skin so it basically renders my kidney harmless. I am imagining a side-effect free world where my headache or migraines can be alleviated by just inhaling an essential oil without worrying the effect it would have on my kidney..and the possibilities are endless. 

I would like to thank Dr. Marissa Yoon for inviting me last month in their Pure Bliss Essential Oils workshop at 32 Sanson by Rockwell. Pure Bliss Essential Oils (PBEO), a group of young wellness advocates, in partnership with 32 Sanson by Rockwell, is set to introduce a wide range of blends of beyond or- ganic essential oils, in an effort to promote a healthy and holistic lifestyle to the local community. 

These premium-caliber and carefully-curated oils have been thoughtfully developed for over 20 years by Young Living, a world leader in essential oils. Under the helm of Dr. Marissa Yoon, PBEO aims to make the vision of sharing the “life- changing benefits of essential oils to every home, family, and lifestyle” a reality for Cebuanos, through pocket events, pop-up displays, workshops and DIY classes. The team, having experienced the benefits of the products first hand, look forward to en- couraging others to do the same, in the pursuit of a more balanced life and overall well-being. 

 

With a range of over 300 scents, there is an essential oil blend suited to almost every personal purpose and need. 
A number of these blends and their benefits include:

• Lavender – promotes restful sleep, relaxes and calms the mind; contains analgesic, anti-depressant, anti-histamine, and anti-inflammatory properties 
• Frankincense – this oil may help with immune system, aging, allergies, bites; also helps with better disposition 
• Lemon – invigorating and refreshing blend that aids in air purification; it is also an antioxidant, has ant-viral properties, and helps soothe colds 
• Thieves – contains highly anti-viral and antiseptic properties 
• Stress Away – helps one overcome exhaustion and depression; also elevates mood 

These essential oils may be used individually or fused with other oils in order to create the desired effect or benefit. A handful of other mixes can create invigorating, calming, and soothing effects, as well as improve focus, mood, and concentration. There are three main ways to use these blends. 

One can either: 

1. Diffuse 
2. Apply topically (on the skin); or 
3. Ingest (as is the case with Young Living’s Vitality Line 

PBEO believes that the way to wellness is easily achievable with the constant use of nature-based products and healthy habits, which the team aims to continuously promote. With the support of local establishments and health-oriented individuals, the team looks forward to establishing collective efforts in upholding and promoting a balanced lifestyle. 

For further inquiries on these beyond organic blends, interested individuals may contact the Pure Bliss Essential Oils team through: 

• Facebook: @pureblissessentialoils 
• Mobile: 0921.046.9593

Zero in on something

Zero in on something:

Focus all your attention on that particular thing.

I have to admit, posting photos of myself before I got pregnant boosts my confidence level. Being a full-time mother, my usual get-up consists of clothes that have seen better days, my son's sweat, saliva and other dirt that I dare not mention so if you are my friend on Facebook, you'd notice that I post pictures of me looking way different than what I've described. 

Case in point: Exhibit A

These sets of photos were taken last year (and it's almost the end of this year, hello) when I didn't know I was 4 weeks pregnant. Inside that bag is my every day gym attire and since I've grown quite accustomed to not really following office appropriate attire protocols, people just let me be. I'm currently zeroed in on my everything about my son. I have no helper or no assistant and shit, it is indeed the hardest job in the world.. so yes, please be forgiving when I posts pictures like these because I have to at least remember that this was during my most fit/prime days. 

As I am typing this, my son-who just woke up is looking at me, miraculously lying down still and unsure what to do. It is very overwhelming at times to be responsible for someone else's life other than my own and there are countless situations wherein I can't simply put everything together. I make it sound so bleak and many many times, it is. It's a kaleidoscope of emotions and it's therapeutic when you have someone who accepts that you are still adapting and will still accept you for the tomorrows to come.

I am also grateful for friends who are always a message away whenever I get worried about the most mundane of things. Before Nate I always thought I know what I need to know about life and right now it feels like I, too have been re-born. I didn't know I have this much patience, strength and capacity to love someone, I thought it stopped when I met Bryan. 

Back to the story of what I wore, climate change is real! I wore a knitted top with a leather skirt to keep me from being cold because even then, Cebu's weather has been acting up and bringing out the best-or the worst in every fashionista.

(squats every day)

Top: Thrifted|Skirt: brandless|Bag: Marithe+Francois Girbaud|Flats: Yosi Samra

The whole nine yards

The Whole Nine Yards: 

Everything. All of it.

I haven't updated this blog for almost a year and I have a legit excuse for it this time. Motherhood happened and the spare time I have I spend it sleeping, socializing offline and tying up loose ends.

Fact is, motherhood has taken up so much of my time that B and I decided that I can't work and be a mother at the same time. We've been asking for this blessing for a couple of years and now that it has finally arrived, I am willing to give up my 10 years experience in real-estate in exchange for being a newbie mother. It's my first time to admit that I am scared because it's an unfamiliar territory and a small creature will be controlling my waking hours from now on but this road is well-travelled already and I have a support system which is only a call or text away. 

For now, I'd like to post a throw back picture before Nate was born. This was taken during one of the many field works I usually do and I get very shy when someone takes a picture of me at public places..and here I am hoping that I could make some semblance of a #ootd entry 

Also, have you noticed that I like dressing up like a grandma? Must be my age. Haha