Scapegoat

Scapegoat: 
Someone else who takes the blame.

How are you? I've been inactive lately because I felt the writer's block that somehow uhm, ?blocked? my capacity to write any thought provoking. I've got four pending OOTD posts but I haven't written any thing worth publishing for a while. 

I've been using my mental and physical juices for a quite some time because my new job designation requires me to. I head the team responsible for 90% of our annual sales and if that ain't called pressure, then P=F/A is

Haha. 

At the same time, we've also renovated our kitchen. We finally decided to have an old Filipino-themed house and we've made a back-splash counter background made of  bricks and I'm gonna post some pics in the far far future. I have always respected B's attitude of always creating a better environment for me, my mom and our future family. But wee  felt that we deserve to have a break so that made me ask,  "What do I owe myself?"

At this point, I don't think I do. But if I were to ask myself the same question five years ago, I would've said A LOT. I neglected to share my love and life to people I call family and friends, I wasn't the best version of myself because there wasn't really any motivation for me to be better. Looking back, I could say that there were a lot of good times and if there were any toxic and difficult situations, I chose to suffer. I chose to suffer and the effect was that I had put myself in situations that drained all my energy and capacity to do anything for myself. I thought I already have IT. Cliche as this sounds, B came into my life, showed me what a real man is (even though I wasn't ready) and even had the humility to tell me (despite HOW AWESOME he is) that I am the one he's constantly praying for.

I've also been told to have a hair cut every once in awhile. 

Fairy tales would always narrate that the prince has found the princess, but we, B and I, don't live in a fairy tale world. I am no damsel in distress and he's no macho-I-can-do-everything man. We have our lapses, but our lives together has always been a push and pull towards the next level. I am also no relationship expert but a good marriage also motivates one to serve the other because selflessness is more important than the ego. 

My weekends usually consists of doing multiple errands and this one's no different. It was a working Saturday and I have to attend someone's graduation party. This orange messengers' boy bag from Converse is a new favorite since I can put a lot of stuff inside yet it doesn't look bulky on the actual. 

Dress: Habitat| Messenger Bag: Converse|Sneakers: Adidas|Watch: Timex

Variety is the spice of life

Variety Is The Spice Of Life: 

The more experiences you try the more exciting life can be.

I am taking a break from posting lady-like ootds. If you get to know me better, you'll know that I am really a 22 year old hormonal boy. Mostly I wear dresses just so my legs can breathe and my attention span is too short so I easily get distracted when I try to think of what looks compliment a chosen top

We celebrated the International Women's Day last March 8 and this year's theme was Pledge for Parity. This year's theme is a call for a gender-balanced leadership BUT to be fair, we have more female department heads where I am working (a real-estate company).

This entry will not talk about feminism, the unfair regulations against women in general and the likes. Reason for which is simply because I haven't made any thorough research on the matter and as with all things posted in the internet, someone might stumble upon this entry and use it as a legit reference.

 However, I'd like to write about what's stopping you from doing the things you want to do just because of your gender

Let's discount those biological causes. Truth be told, I tried doing the number 3 just so I can: 1. save time and 2. to actually test if it's possible but based from my experiment, it's better if us women do it the traditional way. 

Growing up as an only child, I knew my father wanted to have a son. For every time I made an achievement of some kind, he always says "that's my son". There was even this point in my adolescent years that he forced me to have a boy-cut (not even a pixie cut!) In all honesty, it didn't matter that he treated me like a boy. More so, it made me realize that just because I am of the softer side (physically speaking) doesn't mean I am helpless. My gender was just a nonsense semantics which never hindered my quest to say "been there, done that". SO, yes, growing up, I was into Sega Super Sonic, Duke Nukem's time to kill, scooters, skimming, not being scared of scarring my legs, softball, DotA, countless Adult Rated PC games, poker and probably other things that makes an average person question my sexual preferences. 

I never really thought of them as manly hobbies but things that I am just interested to explore. I never doubted that someday the husband of my dreams will find me (DID) and though I was mistaken for a lesbian one too many, I don't really mind. I always say I can't be fit into a box mainly because I grew up not having one and I will forever be indebted to my late father because of that.

So yes, I can be lady-like but see these callouses on my knuckles? It's because I box 3-5 times a week. My calves are toned like a man's and it's because I can confidently strut in a four-inch heels. I can do your make-up and I can also go for an all-night discussion about houses, why Left4Dead is underrated and the unfinished story of TLOU. I threw away my cleats because my ankles have been injured by football many times but I can talk to you about Unilad, memes, and life choices as we walk from Point A to Point B. I am clueless around ovens but I can make a decent meal from whatever I can find in our fridge. I keep the husband entertained by my observations which I highly analyze but I can openly argue about him about splitting of payables, dashboard confessionals and future travel plans without involving my emotions about it. 

To all the women out there, of course it's never too late. Get out of the molding tray you've been trapped into, throw away those cookie sheets and be free.

 The air is fresher once you've fully embedded that endless opportunities and new things are out there for your taking even though there's no extra skin and muscle between your legs (ick). 

Surely your momma didn't endure hours of labor just so you'll be a clone of what you see on TV? 

Black Cavalry Twill Jacket: Mystery Girl|Gray Cotton Shirt: Uniqlo|Black Cotton Leggings: GAP| Shoes: Nike Women's Revolution 2

TWENTY THREE SKIDOO

Twenty three skidoo

To be turned away

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERY ONE!

Like every one else, I initially planned to start this year with a huge BANG! Like every one else, my goals were to lose weight, cultivate meaningful relationships with people, and let go of things and circumstances that were toxic and useless for me. 

There I was sitting on my proverbial high-chair giving solicited advice to people who ask for it and then the "BANG" I was actually waiting for wasn't the kind of impact that I was expecting. I am not going to delve on the specific details because I don't want to attract schadenfreude readers but let's just say that a rejection totally hit me hard yesterday.

If the tables were turned and you are actually the one considered toxic and useless, how would you deal with that rejection?

Circa '11 Nym would've said "F*ck it and move on" but this current version now has a semblance of what they call "heart". As DJ Khaled said, "Don't burn no bridge because you can't walk on water. Only God can walk on water"

Okay, that totally made me laugh

It's normal that you begin to re-evaluate your relationship with that person and self-doubts about your ability to handle relationships WELL will start to surface. You will start to take a lot of things personally and as my favorite fashion blogger said, we are our own worst critics. 

We might not feel the need to take it easy on ourselves in the heat of the moment but it will come, eventually. Just like the hurt that we got from being rejected, perhaps the person who made the decision to let us go was also acting out of their own feelings of hurt and fear.

It will also be helpful if you bring out that cynical side of you and actually say "Hey, this is not the first time someone has said NO to me, I've survived and done well before, I will soon be back to normal again" 

 .. and with closed chapters, we begin to ready ourselves for the new beginning. Who knows? Perhaps my December ending came a few days late and my JANUARY is just about to start.

As I close this entry, Let me talk about my Php200 outfit. I wore this last December during those times in our office that every one was busy NOT minding other people's business. 

I bought this dress for Php50.00 ONLY at that ukay-ukay store right across Robinson's Fuente. The cloth is made of stretchable cotton and even though I'm not a fan of ruffles, I made an exception here since it highlights my chest more than my lack of flat abs. Of course, putting both hands in the front pocket also helped..ALOT.

 I got the jelly studded flats from Charain for Php150.00 and she also sells other things from USA aside from footwear.